Soul Searching

In the search of myself

If only to prove that I was human once

So now I stumble across many a question


May I find what it is that holds me so I may free you

Is it human to pity, regret, deny and excuse?

If so then I may already have my answer

For not one day have I lived these feelings

What am I then….

All these things cluttered around in my mind

Even in a place like this, chaos has become the only order I know

So now I structure it if only to show u but a glimpse of myself

Look at me now, u say… yet even you look the other way

What is it that you think you know so that u may hold me to your conviction

What of this life have lived that you believe you have gained…

Gained the right to criticize its very existence

You barely know my name.. For if I hear you mention me…

You utter the words “King of Hell”

So in your very eyes this is who I am to be

What of the future if I am destined to loose

So now I am to live the embodiment of your anger

What of my emotions if I was forced to kill them

This body shakes and shivers… it is cold here

You show no interest, yet it is interesting to see how you stone me

An autumn breeze fills the air but only for you…

For you to kick dust and spit in my face

If my being desecrates and dictates a mockery of your beliefs

Then I implore you to end my life for your peace of mind

And if in such time I pray….

Pray that my demise may coincide with your release from bondage

Fate is to reckon with one such as I

I who have become, yet have always been, but believed to not

The man you fear is man no more and even now was never human

What blood is this… why do I breathe

What is to become of this vessel or is it merely a faux body

This is my purpose I see, to be, to exist, to die

Sharp pain in my chest… yet I do not bleed

Why does it hurt so much, why does it torment me so?

Is pain my only salvation for proof of my humanity?

Rhetorical and cliché, truth has always had but one meaning

For me there is only but one place to find you…
To find a soul in a place soul alone