What you wish for...

I wish I could be as all you ants...
Perhaps generically set as normal and chemically balanced as the usual...
Woven each inch after the next as what as known as the tapestry named humanity...
To posses a heart, mind and spirit of the meek and mild...

So i could sit in a corner and bury myself beneath my tears as the waves of life's anguish covers me in depression...
So I could break and hold out and show my hand to tell the world to stop moving for a second...
To sit there and twiddle my fingers in the moments of ignorance and preoccupy myself while time and life passes me by...
A moments peace so I could wallow in the depths of my misery...
Such vanity my ignorance serves me by bestowing this obliviousness to suffering...
How arrogant it must be of me to then hope to have what you hold so dear this thing named self pity...
Still I realize i desire these things so I may hold some mercy for myself and my deeds...
Perhaps then it would feed me the compassion I so yearn to have for others...
Foolishness is but a step into the state of self awareness then...
This need to be insecure and riddled with confusion...
After all could it be that my longing to have these ethics and morals is but to belong...
All these questions... and how many answered before the words have even parted my mind...
I am not built like a machine though the mechanical construct of my being is perhaps architecture in a fashion to seem but metallic.
So then of copper and zinc my eyes shine and every firing synapses is but a moment to compute another saga and tale...
So then does Tinman receive his heart... or do the yellow bricks in the road of life lead me but astray to the path...
Why does it smell of nostalgia... the smell of decapitated men, gutted women, burning infants and the elderly riddled in shrapnel...
The smell of war... Has Zeus than granted me his will as a son to perform these deeds in the hopes that he would see a monster's prodigy...
Take me from Schindler's list, scrap my name as a titan and bind me to the deserts.
So that the sand storms my sheer the flesh from my bones as the desert heat drains the very essence of my life...
Find it in your heart to torture me, break me, bleed me and by this if i shed a tear i to shall know that I am only human...
For if you prick me I wish to bleed, and my it be as red as the oceans I have spilled...
After all horror is but the obsession for love and the willingness to do that which will scorn in order to obtain the desires of ones heart...
In the end, the only way to escape a problem is to solve it.
So then shall my demise be my escape from madness and this the door and window of opportunity is open to you...
My greatest enemy...
Me...